These days I absolutely do not know what I’m doing. I just put rain sounds on because they are soothing. I have actually had more good days, even if living with dad can be a pain sometimes.
My dreams have been very strange this week, nearly prophetic it seems, and I don’t know what to think of them. Perhaps just an unsettled mind trying to figure things out.
I am nearly done with the PhD app. I am not going to work on it today methinks because I am tired and my mind is elsewhere. Somedays I think that is what I really want. Other days I think I just want a simple job, and to be able to make enough money to support myself with simply.
I’ve been terrifically homesick for Europe lately. Sometimes I am homesick for Europe and Hawaii at once, and it is too much to bear. There is a coffeehouse nearby. I could go sit there and read today. Found my copy of Yeats’ autobiography and thought it may make a good read.
Oh! I am so fortunate but so unsettled. I’m so grateful to have the experiences I’ve had. I wish I could afford a vacation. I might be able to go to Brussels for a couple weeks and “get it out of my system.” Then again, I might just find a way to stay if I was there.
Then again I think Hawaii would be perfect. I just applied for a park ranger position there. Oh! I am going to take today as a sick day methinks. I HAVE been rather productive, and running my ass off.
The rain sound is helping to soothe. I am more contented. Maybe I will go back to the bookstore today. I love that place, and did not spend enough time in there yesterday. Maybe I will make my way to the Getty, even though it’s a bit of a drive. (Then driving back in Friday night LA traffic…well, maybe not).