unsettled


These days I absolutely do not know what I’m doing.  I just put rain sounds on because they are soothing.  I have actually had more good days, even if living with dad can be a pain sometimes.

My dreams have been very strange this week, nearly prophetic it seems, and I don’t know what to think of them.  Perhaps just an unsettled mind trying to figure things out.

I am nearly done with the PhD app.  I am not going to work on it today methinks because I am tired and my mind is elsewhere.  Somedays I think that is what I really want.  Other days I think I just want a simple job, and to be able to make enough money to support myself with simply.

I’ve been terrifically homesick for Europe lately.  Sometimes I am homesick for Europe and Hawaii at once, and it is too much to bear.  There is a coffeehouse nearby. I could go sit there and read today. Found my copy of Yeats’ autobiography and thought it may make a good read.

Oh! I am so fortunate but so unsettled.  I’m so grateful to have the experiences I’ve had.  I wish I could afford a vacation.  I might be able to go to Brussels for a couple weeks and “get it out of my system.”  Then again, I might just find a way to stay if I was there.

Then again I think Hawaii would be perfect.  I just applied for a park ranger position there.  Oh! I am going to take today as a sick day methinks. I HAVE been rather productive, and running my ass off.

The rain sound is helping to soothe.  I am more contented.  Maybe I will go back to the bookstore today.  I love that place, and did not spend enough time in there yesterday.   Maybe I will make my way to the Getty, even though it’s a bit of a drive.  (Then driving back in Friday night LA traffic…well, maybe not).

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