negative pain

Sooooo…I had more images taken last week and that is fan-bloody-tastic because the pain has been abominable.  Anyone out there had their gallbladder out?  I want to know the positives and negatives… I’ve done a lot of research on this myself but would love to hear from those who did well, and even not so well.  I’ve tried maintaining it with diet, but no avail.  It is just painful.

Thought I actually made progress yesterday with Esposo.  He cried a lot, and I got the feeling he was willing to do what it takes to contribute to our marriage.  Then, this morning, more excuses and blame.  Told him that was it, I cannot even have contact with him if we cannot fight.

Today I am fighting despondency.  I really need a job…volunteering might work but that’s a lot of travel/maintenance on my car when I have no income.  Mainly I need something to do every day to keep my thoughts from going back to my failing marriage and difficulty that lies ahead.

I did also attend a Soroptomist meeting last week, and was very pleased to meet up with the women there.  It was great.  Like I said in the last post, baby steps.

How do I imagine my life?  In a jungle hut with the rain coming down, foraging for my own food.  The more and more I see things, the more I detest corporate high rises and “traditional” homes with roofing.  I’m tired of all the stuff I have.  I want to sell/get rid of it and live simply.

What other positives can I focus on? A lot.  I’m smart, attractive, and when I’m not in pain, I’m rather pleasant to be around.  I’ve lived on 3 continents and led a very interesting life.

Maybe I will just sit down with my book, put on rain sounds, and read.  I’ll go for a swim in a bit, and then there’s hula tonight.  Still a lot to look forward to.

And still a lot of pain to mend…


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