The heat wave has made me lethargic.  It’s hard to believe if I had chosen to stay at the ranger job it would be even hotter out there, and how I would be handling it.  Admittedly some of my pain is back, and with it some depression.  Then add heat yesterday and you get a terrible miserable headache day, where little was accomplished.  Been off good eating habits,  and had a major unintentional gluten attack last week. Possibly still suffering the effects…may not be able to eat out much anymore.  GERD is still strangling my throat like a madman on a weeklong rampage.

Unemployment is very difficult for me.  I thought I would be taking this time to rest, relax, heal, sort out my marriage issues.  Believe it or not, I have been finding more common ground with the husband lately.  We go see a new therapist next week for an intake session.  The week after is the family vacation, which we have opted not to attend.  This has caused more than a little strife among my in-laws,  although I cannot understand why.  The last time husband attended a family vay-kay, he got in a huge argument with his sister (I was not there).

I found a PhD program which (maybe) fits my needs.  I’ve been too much in a fractured state of mind to know for sure at this point. But it gives me something to look forward to.  Hence, being able to rise this morning earlier than usual and with some enthusiasm.  I’m going over later to a friend’s place so we can brainstorm some funding options.

Of course it’s that time of the month, too.  Well, maybe this is just one of the weeks to chalk up.  I promised to report the good as well as the bad.  However, writing keeps me going.  Somehow putting it all down makes me realize how simple life can be, that it doesn’t have to be as difficult as my mind makes it.

Going to give up coffee again this week methinks.  It is contributing only to anxiety at this point.  Particularly because it is difficult to eat most mornings.  I feel I can only stomach a banana and some nuts and then by afternoon I’m starved.  I think this morning I will make some quinoa, even though it’s already hot.  That and some fruit should perk me up.

Well, I may go back to bed for a bit.  Being up “early”  I learned it’s better to nap later on.  But first, some food and tea.  I already did the yoga, feeling somewhat better but my joints complained because I have been neglecting them.

Ay, me.


One thought on “sweltering

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