the positive

I’ve noticed a direct correlation between pain and depression. And the amount of exercise I get lessens pain. Problem is, when the pain is really bad it is hard to exercise. I’m sure many of you have been through this.

Being a full-grown, almost 40 adult and not having my own space is rough. I realize it is probably not good for me to be alone right now, but moving to the next level has become very difficult.  I do at least 15 minutes of yoga each morning, and try to walk. Summer is settling in and it is getting HOT. So this morning’s solution was an early tai chi class.

I do need to do more of my own soul searching. I got so wrapped up in my husband’s activities and interests that I lost sight of my own. Here are some that I’d lost and am picking up in the past few weeks:

  • outrigger canoe (this can lead to pain but is always beneficial to my mood)
  • yoga
  • walking
  • hula (I’ve inquired about a new class), still keeping in touch with my former kumu
  • swimming – a tough one
  • I bought a new bike to tool around town–I hate driving and my old bike is decrepit.

Swimming’s kinda gone out the door as of late. No affordable pools nearby and driving has gotten to be a real drag for me.  Pretty soon the local pool will be open though and warm enough (quite chilly through spring).

I DO need more social activities, should just start going to stuff.  One of the difficulties I’ve been having is so many of my friends DRINK when they gather together and I’ve been trying to lay off the stuff.  My mood is better and I’m less lethargic when I’m not drinking.  I need some new friends. Or to go visit my BFF, who rarely, if ever, drinks.  I’d move closer to her, but she’s in the boonies and I needed to get out of the boonies for now.

I also need to find a new therapist. My old one keeps messaging me so I know she cares.  But I really need to find someone who will help me work through this period of time. Most of the people I know also have kids. I don’t, so it is difficult to relate to people on this level.

I KNOW, I KNOW. Sometimes I feel like Carrie Fisher in When Harry met Sally, continuously saying, “You’re right, you’re right. I KNOW you’re right.” I need to break the chain of negative thoughts.  But part of my goal in writing is to get out the good, the bad, and the ugly. Last week it got really ugly so I’m not writing about that to save myself. Suffice it to say that physically and emotionally I drowned my sorrows. Turns out frozen taquitos, not ice cream, is my downfall. And it causes pain.

Gallbladder diet is helping!  When I start eating whole foods I realize how other stuff is not actually food, just carbs and calories.

Also just ordered the cookbook from these fine folks, after being immensely impressed with their website:  I am not a fan of joining whatever hippy dippy new age gruel-eating fad is in place. But I do think a return to whole foods just makes sense. The rest is just not, well, food.  And I love to cook so fixing new things should be fun.  I really hope so.

Also, when my healthcare gets sorted out (changing insurance right now), I will have to have the pesky little gallbladder out. But I know when I stick to the diet it does help.

Wow, it’s amazing that these little pep talks I give myself actually do help. And it is just so simple, what people tell you all along: diet and exercise.  Yet everything in our world encourages us to eat otherwise. Simple, fast, easy. Don’t cook it, nuke it.  Pizza bagels are healthy and nourishing for kids. (Hint: they are NOT.)

Bear in mind, I KNOW as well that eating whole foods is not always the least expensive option.  I KNOW, being unemployed currently, and not able to file for unemployment (I voluntarily left my last job), that it is often easier and subsidized to eat other foods.  I’ve not been on food stamps (yet), but I see the foods subsidized by WIC, etc., in the stores and it is APPALLING. EVERYONE in our country, retract that, EVERYONE in the world, should have access to healthy foods. It’s ridiculous the state our nation is in.

So let’s all go help each other do what we know is right for our bodies. I’m going to go eat an apple. Right now. I have the ability to do so, and so I will.


3 thoughts on “the positive

  1. I love the way you are writing through your pain. I can completely relate to everything you are going through as I went through it myself. Writing does help. Good diet and exercise and abstaining from alcohol made a huge difference for me. Although, I must admit that I found eating difficult because of the stress.
    The process of seismic change is overwhelming. But what I hear when I read your pieces is a woman who is keenly self-aware; and moreover, on her journey to a more fulfilling life.

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