See this link above for the FWF(S?) prompt…http://kellieelmore.com/2013/07/06/fwf-free-write-friday-but-its-saturday-again/
Oh Kellie you seem to have a way of reading my mind these past few weeks! Because all your prompts have related to something I was immediately dealing with. Past participle, no editing…dammit.
So here goes…there are of course things that have been holding me back that I don’t wish to discuss with the general public. But I can discuss them here in general terms, and of course move forward, blah blah, see the light at the end of the tunnel, love and empower myself. Yeehah.
Right now there are so many things holding me back I don’t know where to start freeing myself. This is so odd because a few months ago I felt perfect freedom and the capacity to do anything. A lot of that is based on employment. I have been extremely fortunate in the roles I have taken previously. A great question for me might be “What work HAVEN’T you done?”
So of course a few months back I was employed as a seasonal park ranger, with all the assurances that I would be laid off for a couple months, then be back at the same job. THEN came what has become a phrase more powerful than Lord Voldemort in my life: government sequestration.
I went back to working in parks as a passion. After Mom died a couple years ago, I revamped my life and decided to start focusing on what made me tick. As stated, I’ve held a variety of positions, but park ranger has always been my favorite. Given me steam. Never a boring day or day I dreaded getting up to go to work. Permanent positions are hard to come by in government work, so I joined the cadre of seasonal employees who work seasonally, and by gum, run the visitor centers, etc. so parks don’t have to be closed during the summer season. There is now limited access to certain parks, and that’s because, you guessed it, there are fewer park staff to run these places this year.
That will, and should be, my entire rant on this point. If I want to work in government service again, I must be careful about what I post. That being said, it has led to my current uncertain state. I was recently offered the chance to take my job back, and after being delayed and delayed, my “season” would be chiseled down to just over a month. Really not worth it. I’ve decided to look for more permanent work. But where to start?
Non-profits. Oh, I’ve walked down that road before. I’ve worked for bad ones, I’ve worked for good ones. Ultimately, and I hate to sound selfish, at the point I am in my life, I need to make more money. Student loans. Yeay. So glad I’m applying that Master’s degree.
For-profits. I’ve worked as a catastrophe analyst in the past, and it is not too terrifically difficult. It is steady work. People always need insurance. It is corporate. There is the possibility of meeting interesting people. I think the major drawback is just not having the freedom of being in open air that my current position allows. May seem crazy to trade stability for open air. Financial freedom vs. soul freedom. Well, put that way, it seems like a no-brainer. But having stability and health insurance is definitely a pro.
You wouldn’t believe all the stuff I did to get through college. (No, no prostitution.) I worked as a drama instructor, event coordinator (I even coordinated events at celebrity houses), worked at Trader Joe’s, taught outdoor school. I took nearly every temporary position offered on my campus.
So what to do next? What to do…this one has to last a few years. There will be more on this subject but now I hafta dash.
So, what ultimately “traps” me? Keeps me from going on to whatever job or experience I want to do next. My husband in some ways. I don’t have kids so no obligations there (which is another sense of something I’d like to do, but can’t, if I don’t get some stability soon). So lack of stability gets me. And social expectations.
I know how a lot of people feel about universal health care, but I can tell you, I’ve had it, and it’s a damn sight better than what we have going on in the US these days. This definitely impacts the TYPE of job I will be looking for, and YES, the thought has crossed my mind that I could go back to Europe. But there are problems there too and with living somewhere it is like choosing a life partner–what are you willing to put up with, and what won’t you put up with?
My husband does not want to move “far” again. His particular concept of bliss is developing a little site out in the desert and being independently contracted. This would be nice, if it weren’t for bills and students loans, and health care. If we do have kids I sure as hell am not raising them as homeschool ragamuffins out in the desert. (There is nothing wrong with homeschool, but the school districts are so poor in the area in which he wants to live, that there would be no other option.)
Anyway, I feel trapped by many things these days. Many. Including the fact that if I go for more “stability” I’ll be living in a city again, when I really prefer nature. Trapped by “stability.” Now that’s a funny one. But so true. And very pertinent to the social structure these days. If I’m “stable” I’m not living life on my own terms, but if I’m “independent” I don’t have enough income and that’s limiting on its own as well.
Well this is the end of my rant, for now. There are still many changes ahead and many things to consider. I will consider the rest in my head, or possibly write them out, but may not share all publicly. Any feedback is welcome. Constructive, of course. 😉