Fall is finally here, but the sky is still dry. I love the cooler weather. This was Mom’s favorite time of year, everywhere.
I am missing the simplicity of things, but then reminding myself things were never as simple as I thought. I grew up in a world that was ever increasingly complex, just as my mind became.
Here I am this ranger/disaster analyst/museum specialist person who is currently out of work and struggling with the depression that comes from that. Sometimes I think, take some job, any job, get your mind off it. Other times I think, I’ve done that for years, it’s only led to numerous pitfalls from which I’ve had to climb out.
I want something more permanent. This is a bad time to also be uncertain about my marriage. Some days I would like just ONE THING to seem permanent, true, and real. Some days I think once it rains things will all be all right.
Sometimes I think, just stay home and write. Get more, or something published. Mainly I’ve been thinking though I need to get out in the world again, I’ve been too solitary, had too much time on my own.
Ay, me. Well, I feel I’m on the verge of something. If only I had some clue as to what…
I got up earlier than usual this morning. The cooler weather helps. I miss that. I am reminded of living in the Northwest and slogging on rainboots and using umbrellas. WOW do I miss rain! I hear from my friends up north (and the numerous weather sites I follow) that there hasn’t been enough rain there either.
Maybe this season…maybe El Nino…everyone keeps saying.
I’d love to live in a place where people and life were more deliberate. This everyone-doing-the-same-thing-with-the-same-hairstyle is really beginning to F me off. I used to just go into my own world, but outsiders don’t like that. Besides, being an anthropologist, I need to be around people.
Therein lies my answer. Teach. But therein lies more school–either a credential or PhD. Just need to decide which…sigh.
Time to crack out the language books and online programs.