freewrite sunday am


Fall is finally here, but the sky is still dry.  I love the cooler weather.  This was Mom’s favorite time of year, everywhere.

I am missing the simplicity of things, but then reminding myself things were never as simple as I thought.  I grew up in a world that was ever increasingly complex, just as my mind became.

Here I am this ranger/disaster analyst/museum specialist person who is currently out of work and struggling with the depression that comes from that.  Sometimes I think, take some job, any job, get your mind off it.  Other times I think, I’ve done that for years, it’s only led to numerous pitfalls from which I’ve had to climb out.

I want something more permanent.  This is a bad time to also be uncertain about my marriage.  Some days I would like just ONE THING to seem permanent, true, and real.  Some days I think once it rains things will all be all right.

Sometimes I think, just stay home and write.  Get more, or something published.  Mainly I’ve been thinking though I need to get out in the world again, I’ve been too solitary, had too much time on my own.

Ay, me.  Well, I feel I’m on the verge of something.  If only I had some clue as to what…

I got up earlier than usual this morning.  The cooler weather helps.  I miss that.  I am reminded of living in the Northwest and slogging on rainboots and using umbrellas.  WOW do I miss rain!  I hear from my friends up north (and the numerous weather sites I follow) that there hasn’t been enough rain there either.

Maybe this season…maybe El Nino…everyone keeps saying.

I’d love to live in a place where people and life were more deliberate.  This everyone-doing-the-same-thing-with-the-same-hairstyle is really beginning to F me off.  I used to just go into my own world, but outsiders don’t like that.  Besides, being an anthropologist, I need to be around people.

Therein lies my answer. Teach. But therein lies more school–either a credential or PhD.  Just need to decide which…sigh.

Time to crack out the language books and online programs.