transformation…slow going


I never imagined I’d be in this place.  Now I know just how my mother felt, with her plethora of health issues and it sapping the will out of her.  But I refuse to be victimized.  I’m back eating well, and doing even just a few minutes of yoga every morning, if I can get myself out of bed while it’s still cool, works.

I go back to dad’s next week, and then to my HS reunion.  I am grateful for these opportunities to see others in balance (and maybe some of-balance, even worse than myself).  Without caffeine, I am cranky and strange and mornings are heinous.  But if I want to get better, no caffeine, no alcohol, very little sugar, and no dairy the next few weeks (I already do no wheat).

It is doable, harder when I’m with my inlaws, but doable.

Also swimming again.  I have a friend and am going over to her house a few days a week now to do PhD research.  My potential adviser seems enthusiastic (although emails from London are hard to decipher).  I have to go through this process without mentioning things to my husband.  He gets irritated when I make plans without him.  I get irritated when he doesn’t make any plans.  Still pursuing the teaching route as well, so that I have multiple options.

So my life is moving forward at a strange pace.  Why did I not leave completely?  Well, there’s a long story there and it involves my father getting a roommate for summer when he (and I) thought I would be working.  I could head to parts further north and spend time with friends there, but I know I would not have the solitude I need to do my research, and would get swept into a number of other activities.  Besides, my #2 spot in Washington did not turn out well either.  So there. A short trip to OR and WA the end of summer/ beginning of fall will make a lot of sense.

This is a difficult place to be.  But at least here I have access to the ocean, and friends.  And I know many people who go through unemployment suffer a depression of sorts, So it’s not terrible.  Today I will go out in the outrigger canoe, have some more fun.

So, for now, it is time to eat a late breakfast, and sort out the rest of my day.

Oh, and the caffeine withdrawal headache? Just adds to the fun.